5/26/09 Update

So many of you have asked how we are doing and we appreciate that so much. Here is a much needed update.

On April 1st, we were told that the hematoma was barely visible but there was no longer any measurable blood in it.

On April 28th, another ultrasound confirmed that it is completely gone and no longer visible. Relief can't even begin to describe what we are feeling.

To date, I've had 2 more ultrasounds since and they continue to reveal a very healthy and happy baby. He is packing on the pounds and a little ahead in terms of development. Ironically, we have been told numerous times that he has a ton of amnio fluid. He is already gaining fatty tissue and the ultrasound tech tells me that he's going to be a little chunker. Each ultrasound completely confirms that he is very much a boy. We are planning to name him Carter Evan.

Here is our 21 week scan photo:



I have gotten over the disappointment of Carter being a boy. All kinds of things have ran through my mind....maybe I'll do better w/ a boy, boys are easier, etc etc etc. I found a bedding set, bought a closet full of new clothes and have done a lot of soul searching.

I do know that Carter is my spirit baby. Gender makes no difference, Parker's spirit will live on regardless. She wasn't born into a world of pink bows and ruffles, she didn't know she was a girl. I don't know how to explain the way that I feel but I'm really okay with him being a boy. I really had no other choice anyway. I wanted a baby and I have a baby. I feel him move, kick and recently hiccup. It's incredible and I'm in love with him so much.

I still cry for Parker nearly everyday. It's been well over 7 months since we lost her and yet the pain is still so vivid and sharp. She would have been 2 1/2 months old now. I wake up in the middle of the night occasionally (to pee) and she's on my mind. I wonder if I'd be getting up to feed or change her if she were here. We moved several totes of things that I wanted to keep to the attic. We sold a bunch of girls clothes and her bedroom decor. I cried when I walked out of the UPS store after shipping out her room decor, feeling as if I gave another part of her away. I'm looking forward to getting our backyard finished so that I can make her special spot. I miss her. I feel lost without her.

I realize that Carter is very much here for a reason. I worry about him daily. I've said it before but it doesn't carry much weight until you are in this position: You don't appreciate the miracle of life until something gets in its' way. When you know what can go wrong, it's amazing that anything ever goes right. I'm having bi-weekly ultrasounds to monitor my cervical length and they keep me sane. 2 weeks is about the point where my mind wonders and I worry...luckily an ultrasound is only a few days away at that point. It's very hard to maintain a level head and trust that my body will cooperate. As of today, I'm 22w and 5d. I've already made it past the point where I lost Parker but I'm nowhere near a "safe" zone. I don't think I'll ever feel safe until I'm full term.

I feel great and pregnant. I'm getting plump, my maternity clothes fit, I pee a lot and I have all those aches and pains that I've longed for. I love to feel Carter move. He likes to stay of the lower right side of my belly and curl up in a ball. He makes my stomach hard as a rock and lopsided when he does it. It's very amusing to watch. Chad and Jarod have felt Carter move as well.

I've managed to keep myself busy. My "mentor mommy" training is complete w/ the Women's Center and I'm hoping to begin my volunteer work in July. With the help of my mother, we opened our own boutique store selling handbags. I have no plans to leave my full time job. Somedays, I feel as if I am juggling a lot and other days I realize how nice it is to have something else to focus my attention on. I just hope that I'm not neglecting any one of my titles. Obviously, being a good mommy & wife are my primary concerns.

Jarod's birthday is approaching in about 3 weeks. Parker's conception date and the date that I found out I was pregnant will come and go, but not unnoticed. Everyday is one day closer to bringing home my baby boy.