How it all began...

Parker will be greatly missed but always alive in our hearts. Here, her story begins...

(Parker's story has been kept in order for easier reading. Oldest post is first and newest is last.)

For Parker Ellen Oleyar;
Born October 11th, 2008...21 weeks too soon.

I found out in November 2006 that I had an incompetent cervix at a routine annual exam. My doctor informed me that a surgery done two years earlier had left it sensitive and that it could create problems in a pregnancy. I remember coming home telling Chad but not worrying about it because we didn’t plan on having more children. Actually, I had vowed to never have another child, wanted a tubal litigation and swore to everyone that I never wanted to be pregnant again. Until that moment…the moment that someone said I couldn’t or shouldn’t. Chad & I spoke of how we couldn’t imagine getting pregnant only to deal w/ a loss halfway through the pregnancy. It was cruel to do that to ourselves and a child. We agreed that having a baby was probably just not in our best interest. Within months, I found myself secretly daydreaming of a baby. I assumed it was a phase that would pass. Another year went by, another exam with the same warning. The phase had never passed.

We started trying to have a baby in February 2008. Going off birth control after 7 years and “trying” to get pregnant on purpose seemed strange at first. Yet, somehow month after month that I wasn’t pregnant became disappointing. I started reading everything that I could find on how to make it happen faster and learned that there is an entire world dedicated to “ttc” (trying to conceive). I promised myself that I would never allow baby making to take over my life. It would turn out to be a promise that I quickly broke. Charting cycles, basal body temperature, ovulation predictor kits, etc soon became my daily focus. Every month, I was sure that “this was the month” and I would race to buy pregnancy tests so that I could test “5 days sooner”. Every month, there was only one line and I could almost hear it taunt me laughing “you failed the test again!”

June 2008 was different, it was a busy month. I was organizing the community garage sales, Jarod’s 7th birthday was approaching and there was a ton of things going on at work. I lost track of my meticulous charting, fertility aid popping, and ovulation testing skills in the midst of everything else that demanded my attention. I had become so “in tune” with my body after six months that I noticed if I had a hangnail. I remember sitting outside w/ Bobbie during the garage sale and realizing that “now” was the time. I left her in the garage with instructions to stay outside for awhile. Chad laughed when I woke him up. Jarod’s birthday party was the next day and ever so quickly, a new work week began.



~Yes, I dropped his birthday cake w/ the candles lit while we were singing "Happy Birthdy!"~

I never felt pregnant that month and had even come to terms with the fact that June wasn’t going to be our month either. I had bought a new brand of pregnancy tests because I simply didn’t like the results my old brand was giving me. When I woke up on Tuesday, June 27th, the only reason that I took it was so that I could clear all doubt from my head. I laid the "most advanced piece of technology you will ever pee on" down, got in the shower and gave myself a “pep talk”.


I picked up the digital pregnancy test and there were the words “PREGNANT”. I stood there; shocked…it says that I am pregnant. I-AM-PREGNANT. I asked the test if it was sure, I shook it, I clicked it against the counter, held it up to the light and then I cried. It was a happy, scared, unsure, excited cry.




My hands shook as I got dressed. I didn't even pay attention to what I was putting on. I couldn’t stop smiling and crying while I finished getting ready for work. I thought of a hundred different exciting ways to tell Chad, yet when he arrived home from work that morning….no words would come out because they didn't seem real. Yet, I couldn't wait to tell him. I'm horrible with surprises and secrets when it comes to him because I tell him everything. I have a hard time keeping his Christmas presents a secret! He looked at me, knowing that I had something I wanted to say and asked “What”? I picked the test up and let the words displayed on the screen speak for itself. Chad smiled and said “Well, there goes my sex life…it was fun while it lasted!” He hugged me and I proudly left for work…pregnant.

I was so excited to tell the girls at work. Rachel and I had a meeting to attend later and I was working the morning w/ Karen & Deidre. I quickly blurted out “Guess what? I’m pregnant!” I remember that Deidre’s eyes shot to my belly as if she expected me to be showing! So, with that it began. We wasted no time telling our friends and family. I’m sure that I posted it on MySpace within a few days. When I called to share the news w/ Bobbie, she paused before responding with laughter, “So, did the garage sale sex make the baby?” I immediately realized that I “forgot” how to be pregnant and needed to know. I bought all the books, signed up for email alerts and started reading everything I could find.

We were planning to wait a few months to tell Jarod so that the pregnancy didn't seem so long to him. However, as I always say he is 7 going on 27 years old. I took a photo of the pregnancy test to begin my "pregnancy" album and he saw it. He informed me that he knew we were having a baby because he saw "that pee stick" from the baby commercial. He told us that he really wanted a brother because there were a lot of girls at Niki's and girls are annoying. I quickly began planting little seeds to convince him that he really wanted a sister. Regardless of the gender, he was in love with the idea of having a sibling and someone to share our home with.

We had trouble picking a name for Jarod and as it got later in my pregnancy, I began to worry that we would have a nameless baby. One evening while watching reruns of the tv series 'The Pretender', I looked at Chad and said "What about the name Jarod?" Jarod was the main character on the show. Chad agreed and two weeks before he was born, Jarod finally had a name. I decided that I wasn't going through the name game with another child, so we had picked out baby names months earlier over dinner before I was even pregnant. I had never let Chad live down the fact that I wanted to name Jarod; 'Carter'. Carter had been a doctor on the tv series 'ER'. Chad argued that we could not name a baby after a pretend doctor on a soap opera. Upon hearing this comment one day, his mom laughed and said "Why not? Your name came from a doctor on a soap opera that I watched when I was pregnant with you." I think seven years of browbeating wore him down and agreed that we could use it this time for a boy. Of course, we have now started a 'family tradition'. We discussed a few girl names and after many dirty looks and sour faces, I jokingly suggested we use 'The Pretender' Series to solve our problem. Miss Parker was another main character who spent her time chasing Jarod. We immediately agreed on Parker and it actually warmed my heart to know that the names had a meaning behind them, even if it was simply an inside joke between Chad & I.


Jarod & Miss Parker from "The Pretender" Tv Series that aired in the late 90's.

I spent my days and nights dreaming of my baby. I saw her as a girl, with light brown hair. I could see her as an infant in my arms, cuddled up on my shoulder for a nap, holding my hand as a toddler and later in life as a little girl. I would braid her hair, dress her up, take her shopping, play Barbie's and be her best friend. She would be my little princess. Chad is a wonderful father and I knew she was destined to be a daddy’s girl. Our parents were excited as well and I knew my mom longed for a grand-daughter. My dad will never admit how proud he was to have another grandchild to crawl up on his lap and call him Papa. I was determined to breastfeed, have a drug free delivery in a birthing pool and be the perfect mother to my children. Jarod would be her protector and she would look up to him. I promised him the responsibility of selecting all the baby toys. He had a pair of wrist rattles as a baby and had heard the stories of how they were his favorite toy from the journeys through his keepsake box. The cow and the pig rattles were his first request and our first toy purchase. He was practicing taking care of babies at Niki’s and had me convinced that he could change diapers and be my little helper.

I looked forward to my first OB appointment on July 9th and had completely stopped smoking, started eating better, cut back on the Mt. Dew and knew exactly “what to expect now that I was expecting”. Thursdays were the day that my weekly pregnancy updates arrived in my email. I looked forward to opening them to see how baby was growing and changing. I patiently watched baby chance from a zygote, to an embryo, to a fetus. I started shopping and I never stopped. I bought clothes, baby furniture, diapers, toys, baby blankets and everything else that I swore was over-rated and over-priced hype. I spent countless hours sorting through websites full of baby bedding. I fell in love with Cocalo Tropical Punch , Chad agreed and I ordered it. It was pink with cute and cuddly animals. The gender of the baby hadn’t been confirmed by ultrasound yet but we just knew.


So excited on July 12th, 2008 at Rachel & Brandon's Wedding

We saw our baby for the first time on July 30th and were greeted by a wonderfully strong heartbeat of 170 bpm. I was 8 weeks pregnant and it all truly became real.



We had another ultrasound at 9 weeks on August 6th and again, all was perfect. My doctor was concerned about the length of my cervix but it was holding up well.
I was told to watch out for cramping, yet I was plagued by it. I was paranoid and called the office at every sign something was wrong.




Another check on August 19th confirmed that everything was perfect. We were stunned to see how much baby had grown in less than 2 weeks.






I was counting down the days until the 12 week mark approached…the “safe zone” of pregnancy and the beginning of the blissful second trimester. Our baby was nice and cozy and I had an appointment on Tuesday, September 2nd to find out the much anticipated gender. I craved sauerkraut, pickles, salsa and apple juice. I developed the nose of a basset hound. I was starting to show, the morning sickness was subsiding and I was enjoying the excitement and anticipation.